Heartbeats in Relationships - Care vs. Control

Hello, there! After what has felt like a long cold winter, spring has finally come, and with it, thoughts of love, freshness, and change! As we look about and see God's beautiful changes in nature, perhaps it's also a good time to look at our lives and how we might "freshen up" our relationships with others. With that goal in mind, I thought we might take an insightful look at how we express love and how others around us perceive those expressions of caring. We come into this world not knowing how to love, but rather, how to react to love and care that is shown to us. Most of us long for close and loving relationships throughout our lives, but sometimes our own words and behaviors prevent us from having what we want most!

So what does it take to create and nurture loving, caring, authentic and healthy relationships? What are some of the mistakes most of us make in conveying to others our true feelings? Are we truly caring in our relationships, or are we sometimes controlling? Let me share with you a personal example of caring vs. controlling … A few years ago, I had a disagreement with my young adult daughter. I questioned a decision she had made and shared my feelings that she made the "wrong" decision. She countered that I wasn't caring, but rather that I was just being controlling! I remember now that the disagreement was about her relationships with her friends both males and females and her dress sense and casualness in front of my father. My public distasteful reaction to this is something that even I remember. What I can also remember is that she was right! I was attempting to bend and attach her thinking to my beliefs, my image of what is "right, and my expectations without even listening to what her thinking was behind what I thought was her "wrong" decision. Is it any wonder that she felt manipulated? The outcome of this story was that she had stopped inviting her friends home. I eventually realized my mistake and in the presence of my wife apologized to her. The result is that we both learned to listen more and judge less. When we introduce judgments into our relationships, we learn nothing.

Is it time to open your mind and heart to being more loving and caring in your relationships? Time to stop judging others because they hold beliefs different than your beliefs? Because they act, respond and behave differently than you do? The world is changed by your example, not by your judgments.

Perhaps with the onset of Spring, renewal, and freshness can also come from within … Reminding ourselves to be compassionate, kind, forgiving, and loving.
"Contemplate love every day. Loving reflections make the heart grow" - Deepak Chopra

In conclusion, I'd like to share these thoughts …

To Let Go doesn't mean to stop caring,
It means I choose not to control someone else.

To Let Go is not to cut myself off,
It is the realization that I can't control another.

To Let Go is not to try to change or blame another,
It whispers to my heart that I can only change myself.

To Let Go is not to fix,
But to be encouraging and supportive.

To Let Go is not to judge,
But to allow others to affect their own outcomes.

To Let Go is not to deny,
But to accept.

To Let Go is not to adjust everything to my desires,
But to live each day as it comes and to cherish each moment.

To Let Go is to be fearless,
And love more …

Sincerely, Your Physician Who Chooses Love,
Dr. Ashish Sachdeva

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