Hidden Anger : The Enemy Within

First of all I would like to thank one and all at Royal Oaks for inviting Pinnacle Care Internal Medicine to have an office on its premises. We feel privileged and honored. I would also like to thank the powers to be that run the monthly newsletter for inviting me to write a column.

Being a physician gives us a unique entitlement to delve into the mind, soul ,and body of our patients. What I have always found very fascinating is the subject of “hidden anger”and how it impacts people’s health.

To be angry is to suffer, it doesn’t help anyone to get angry! Anger hurts whoever is angry and impacts those around us. Hidden anger is very prevalent among seniors, But rarely discussed openly. I think a key point, especially with hidden anger is that under anger we always find lurking ...Fear! So in many instances, the real question might be what you fear the most?

Some of the hidden anger surrounds issues related to declining health, inability to participate in favorite activities like golf, tennis,hiking,travel etc., strained or distance separation from family, loss of a spouse or significant other, unmet life goals, incompleted “bucket lists”, loss of close friends and peers due to deaths, terminal illness diagnosis and sometimes retirement that wasn’t “planned well”.

Anger hurts whoever is angry and impacts those around us. It burns. Anger ruins relationships, causes heartache and regret, and devastates health.

Anger is not in our inherent nature.Almost all Scriptures of different religions talk about anger. The holy Bible (James 1:20)says “because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires”. Even the Hindu Scripture “Gita”says anger impairs judgment, just as the morning mist creates a hazy covering on the sunlight. In anger people commit mistakes that they later regret, because the intellect gets clouded by the haze of emotions. When the intellect is clouded, The person then forgets what is right and what is wrong and flows along with the surge of emotions. Since the intellect is the internal guide, when it is destroyed, one is ruined.

And yet, in spite of all these facts when we are angry, it feels right. Anger burns, anger ruins relationships, causes heartache and regret and devastates health.Anger hurts whoever is angry and impacts those around us. Somehow in some unseen way, anger proves to whoever is experiencing it’s heated feelings that he’s or she’s right even though, in reality, nothing could be further from the truth. Anger feels like it is in your best interest because, at the time of it’s intrusion into your life, it temporarily fills you with a powerful sense of self. However, this anger can only exist without your conscious consent or awareness of us being there.
It is never in your best interest to suffer, no matter, how inwardly convincing it may feel to you that you will be betraying your self if you don’t. Anger hypnotizes you with the flood of itself.

Step back and learn to listen to the quiet stream of higher insight that runs softly through your true nature which is higher than your body, mind and intellect. Let it show you that your anger and suffering proves nothing.

The next time some hostile state takes you over, either in thought (because in remembering something someone did to you in the past) or in an actual moment of conflict with someone standing before you, take the following inner steps as soon as you can remember yourself to do so: Start by saying that something foreign to you and your true nature has imposed it’s self on you, taken over your life. Once having done this, do nothing else except realize that while you maybe temporarily powerless to stop the lower state from possessing you, you are empowered to recognize the negative state as the intruder it is. This awareness, this conscious non self justifying awareness of your true pained condition is what it means to put a light on the problem. That’s your job. Your God or whatever you believe in as a higher being will do his or her part if you will just do yours.

A practical approach to Negative emotions and enlightened perceptions

Elimination and decreased negative emotions –

.As soon as a negative emotion arises simply withdraw from it

. Shift to something pleasant like tenderness, anticipation, sense of beauty.

. Avoid power struggles

.A moment of silence saves great regret. The most powerful and influential event that occurs when you are silent in such a situation is that it disarms others .

.Interrupt your pace and stress: Stop doing same thing over and over without a break if you keep doing what you are doing you’ll keep getting the same result

.Increase emotional awareness, Give a name to your feelings ......tell the person that’s bothering you that when he or she does what they are doing you feel.....name exactly the feeling you are feeling......depressed, lonely ,disgusted ,angry ,frustrated ,ignored ,victimized ,rejected ,sick ,exhausted ,powerless ,listless ,burnt out ,embarrassed, pressured ,worth less, anxious ,scared, hopeless ,weak or any of those words..... give a name to your feelings and say it!

.Most importantly, Forgive and Forget. This will go a long way in closing some unresolved chapters which however hard you may try are unresolvable and just cannot be rationalized.

No one on this earth,towards the twilight of their lives, can say that they have no regrets . Let’s be content with where we all are in our journeys on this planet and have no regrets or fears. What awaits all of us is universal so why fear the unknown. Let’s make the best of all that we have. Keep your heart and mind open , remember you are on a journey in all things and righteousness governs all actions. If you decide to still be unhappy and have “ hidden anger” all it’s going to do for me is .... keep me in business as your physician!! Till next month ... No Hidden Anger please!!